Finally

I have weathered the storm. The past few weeks have been rugged for me man. First my grades have went up since last semester. I worked harder than a turtle trying to cross the street in the rain. As far as a summer job goes thats still in the air. Although i did just recently get an e-mail saying that i may get a clerk position at a local air force base. Hard work really does pay off. No matter what you may go through in life just remember to keep you faith in god keep your head up. Even though it's hard just keep on pushing and overtime it'll pay off. It may not happen as fast as you want it to but believe me it'll be worth the wait.

Not a sob story but the story of my life

i don't know why i'm even talking about this but i just need to vent for a moment. Life really is a trip man. Lately i've been doing a retro spec of my life. And man to think about some of the stuff i've over came man i feel like i still haven't gone done much with myself. I went on a date the other day with a female friend and we had a deep conversation about relatives. As i was talking to her about my siblings i just felt a sudden sadness inside me. I talked about how most of my siblings are non existent and haven't really been around. My oldest brother to me really hasn't been a factor in my life sense i can remember. I thought back when i was 5 years old and my parents went out to eat or something of that nature and they told my oldest brother to watch me. So they leave and my brother stays for a good 10 minutes then he asked me if i wanted to stay at a family friends house. I said no because i wanted to stay home. So he decided to leave me at home by myself to hang out with his friends. I really didn't pay it any mind because, i just wanted to play with my toys any way which kept me company. Eventually my parents got home and were enraged with my brother when i told them that they left me by myself. Then i remembered another time my brother abandoned me when i was young. I think he wanted to go to kings dominion with some friends i was 5 or 6 at the time i believe. Anyways he was suppose to watch me that day again because,both my parents were at work.(i think it was during the summertime) Sense he's lazy he decided to drop me off at one of our neighbors house and their son watched me for the whole day. Again after my parents got home they were furious with my brother. Now lets fast forward to about 7 years later. My brother got out of jail for the first time and came home. I remember visiting him in jail and he sold me a dream on how he was going to take me shopping and we were going to hang out and etc. When he was released from prison he didn't do any of the things he promised. He was absent which didn't bother me much because, he was locked up for a while. So during this same year i got extremely sick and had meningitis which required me to stay in the hospital for a while. So while i was in the hospital i was super high on morphine because i was in so much pain. While i was laying on the hospital bed day by day i repetitively asked for my brother and my mother told me that he proclaimed that he didn't want to see me sick. But me and my mom knew otherwise. He just wanted to hang out with his friends as usual. I really didn't take it to heart too much. So about 2 years later he got locked up again and still is til this very day. I could honestly care less though. He writes and calls me every now and then but all he does is just ask for me to send him money or just ask about his friends. He ask about his son sometimes but other than that he rarely talks about anything worth while. I think thats enough for now i'll talk more about my siblings in my next post.

One Year

Time surely does fly. It's still unreal to me that i've without my mom for a whole year. I still remember the last time i spoke with her. I was in my room crankin some Al B. Sure, and we were holding a convo about her outfit she was wearing. She had a yellow blouse with some capri's on and these yellow sandal looking shoes. I thought the outfit looked nice on her. She told me that she was gonna go hang out with some friends. So she left and 10 minutes went by and my dad told me to go give her her purse because, she left it in the house. So i ran outside to give it to her and we held another brief convo about a friend of the family i was kinda irritated but i honestly can't remember why. So she left off but before she left she said our little love you saying she said, "love you" i say "love you to" she says "very very" and i say "much". And those were the last words we had with each other. I'm happy that we both ended our time together on a good note. Then that next morning thats when me and my dad got the bad news. We all know that our parents won't live forever but you never want them to leave you so soon. I'm not really depressed or anything but i do have my moments here and there still. I'll never get over the loss of my mom. I think the hardest part about losing her is that i have to go the rest of my life without her. Not a day goes by where i don't think about her. But i see her in my dreams so often that they feel real.

Thank The Heavens

I'm on the home stretch for school. man what a semester i had. i never wrote a 7 page paper in my life until this semester which is why i've been on hiatus for a minute. But man wednesday can't come soon enough. I have never been so ready to work in my life. All i want to do is fix my car up and cop as many shoes and clothes as possible this summer. On a side note i would like to also find a female friend. Not a wifey cuz i don't plan on getting married no time soon but a female that can be my friend before we can start a relationship. I strongly believe if your significant other is your best friend then your relationship will be way easier for you to manage. Also this summer i plan on making a trip to NYC finally. Even if i get a weekend up there i'll be fine with that. I'll also be going back to atlanta for at least a week this summer to see some family. Hopefully next summer i can find a way out to Cali. But i think if i go out there then i may not come back to maryland. Seems like cali got everything even a sonic and a jack in the box.(don't ask why i just want to eat @ those restaurants) Well i would like to talk about some more stuff but i barley have anytime cuz i have another 5 page paper to write by monday and i got a final to study for on monday so the next time i post i'll probably be out of this hell hole, so until then.
-Amani

Greed is a sad sight

I don't understand peoples ambition these days. Me personally i don't condone to drug dealing. The only time i feel like it's just is if you do it to provide for your family. But overtime you gotta find another legal way to provide for your family. Just like if your kids are hungry and you have no money to feed em. Your gonna do whatever it takes to fed them even if it means stealing a loaf of bread from the grocery store. Now i just recently found out that a kid i used to go to school with decided to start selling. Now the thing that angers me about that is that this nigga already has a job. He has no kids, still lives with his family and doesn't pay a single bill. Now after those underlying factors my first question is what is your purpose of selling??? The only thing that comes to mind for me is that your greedy. Which is a sad thing to see. Your basically putting life and freedom at risk for what a new pair of shoes or some new clothes??? That not worth getting locked up or killed for. Materialistic bullshit that won't matter when your in a cell or in the ground cause once that happens what are you going to have to show for it??? People are so senseless with no morals. It hurts me to see people throw their lives away when their fully capable to do what ever. Then this is the same type of person that'll be complaining about why he can't get a job after serving 10 years in jail on a drug charges. People need to wake up.