Welp

first 2 weeks of school were pretty straight. yesterday was pretty fun. went to towson mall again with some people. let me tell u if u ever go to that mall you will not walk out empty handed. everytime i go there i spend money. found a north face track jacket that cost $70 @ macy's and i payed $17 for it. then when i went yesterday i copped some sun glasses form some place called anon or somethin like that 2 for $20. man u can't beat that price with a stick. well tonight starts the 3 day weekend. i still haven't left to go home yet. still waitin on a ride. the longer i sit here the more i think it's nothin @ home for me to do. my t.v.'s gonna chill in my dorm all weekend. so i have no where to play my ps3 now because my father won't let me play it on the vizio down stairs. unless we watching a blue ray movie. WTF is the point of that??? he gets the idea that if i play a game on there 2 long it'll leave a image on it. So it looks like i have to buy a hd tv this summer for myself. Cuz some of his little pet peeves just make no damn sense. but i can't argue cuz it's his. i wish my mom was still here cuz if she was she wouldn't care if i played on the t.v. or not. I honestly never thought that life would be so difficult without her. til i left for school. Man don't you hate when u get a message when it's to late??? my mom used to always tell me that her my dad and god were the only friends i have. She was right about that, i just dislike the fact that i can't talk to her about my problems anymore. My life is so odd now that it's hard to explain. I really don't have the closes family. which makes the situation worse. You know @ this point i don't care about fam anymore. i'm on my own now. it's just hard to accept that fact sometimes. I find it difficult to vent to people about my situation cuz their not expeiriencing it. I lost my mom @ a pivotal time of my life. a day before prom, 2 weeks from my graduation and my 18th bday. Talk about a unfortunate time in my life. Sometimes i used to model my family after some of my friends and their families. One of my closes friends has a family like a T.v. show. He pretty much got it made through my eyes. I wish my household was like his. but it's far from it and never will be. My oldest brother is still locked up. Day by day i start to care less for him. I somewhat show sympathy for him but it's hard because of what he put me and the rest of the household through. I used to hate not having a older brother to not play with or take me shopping like the rest of my friends and their older brothers. My ohter brother could only do but so much for me. now he's across the country. he still calls and checks up on me all the time. but other than him and my father thats all i have. I rarely talk to my sister. i guess it's hard to keep in touch with people when your focusing on yourself. i don't really hold anything against her. i just stop caring about trying to keep in touch with her. she like a female version of my father. and that drives me completely crazy. well i think i got enough venting out for the moment...Amani