Should i feel bad???

alight now i know some of ya'll are probably thinking i sound like a little kid for this but fuck it. I feel like in these past few months my dad he pretty much stop being a dad. I mean yeah he does help me out financially when i really need it but everyone knows it's more to father hood than slipping some money here and there. I'm starting to feel alienated around my own father. The last time me and him hung out was months ago. I can't even get this man to watch t.v. with me anymore. Yesterday i told him about the new entourage season starting up and he said he heard his co-workers talk about the show. Since i have all the entourage seasons on DVD i asked if he wanted to catch up with the show, he said he didn't care to watch em. So he got in from work today and i decided to ask him again then he proclaimed he was tired from work. I honestly don't understand why i have to pull teeth to hang out with my own father??? I have tried talking to this nigga about this situation but he hardly ever listens to a word i say. My father tries to act like he doesn't ignore me but he does habitually. I'm honestly tired of trying. I tell you one of the worst feelings in the world is feeling alienated by your own fam.

You Know What Grinds My Gears

People that always worry about what the next persons doing. Every time i hang out with a certain group of people it's always this one nigga that likes try to get on my case about what i'm doing wrong with my life i guess. So last night i told him some words of wisdom. For one i believe cuz is mad with himself. I mean thats the only logical reason why someone would criticize someone else's life is because their unhappy with their own. Now it's bad enough that your situation isn't what you expected but it's even worse that you attempt to bring someone else down just because your life is fucked up. I guess at the end of the day some people are just selfish.

So

the other day i decided to return some clothes to an old friend that i had for a long while. This is the same friend that i was highly upset with recently. So i went over there and we had one of those in depth conversation on life and other various things,you know typical nigga shit. Randomly he made a statement that stuck out to me. he said he heard some quote from colt mccoy (if you don't know who he is google him) and he said he lives life without expectations. After thinking about that quote i decided to start living by it. Cuz when you live without expectations it's pretty difficult to get disappointed.

ithink

now i doubt i'm accurate but i think i may have an idea on why females beef with each other especially with their friends. I'm guessing females don't like having competition with another female. Real life scenario some youngins i know were close friends at one point. I must say it was kinda irritating to me to see them hang with each other cuz it was like looking at clones. Then suddenly their no longer friends. I eventually talked to both of them about the situation and as usual they both aired out each others dirty laundry which i could honestly careless about. Besides everything comes to the light on facebook anyway. Another real life scenario that applies to this idea is this whole issue with lil kim and nicki minaj. It's obvious who influenced who but i guess since minaj never payed homage to kim it sparked a discrepancy between the two. It's not really about competition with these to but you guys get what i'm saying.Now this theory of mines could be completely wrong or right, i honestly don't care cuz i don't think there is a way to understand a female unless you are one. Same way with a male. All the opposite sex can do is hypothesis on what they see.

Waving the white flag

This has been one of the toughest months i've had in a while. I'm officially saying fuck the job force. I'm tired of applying for jobs that i know i'm not going to get. Also big shout out to my dad who is trying to force me to find a summer job when he could have got me a internship at his job. But like the genius that he is decided to wait til june to find out instead of asking around in april like most parents did for their college kids. I guess my dad believes that his job as a parent is coming to an end which is wrong. So since it's mid june i doubt anyone is hiring at this point of the year. Every summer i man big plans for myself to basically shop,hit up a beach and catch a flight to a major city in the country but every summer it's the same shit. Sitting around the house trying to find a way to make money or find a job. Then all i end up doing is wasting a whole summer never getting a chance to do what i want then school starts right back up. I know some of you are thinking "why don't you something instead of complaining about it". But at some point some of these things i are just out of my control. People always say that good things come to those who wait but damn man this shit is starting to get to me.

Well damn

Man have you ever had a friend that you made a few years down the road and then one day for some odd reason they just completely stop talking to you??? I'ma tell a story about a girl that i met way back in my sophomore year of high school. So it all started at lunch one day and i saw this beautiful young freshmen. I checked her out day by day then i eventually told a mutual friend to put me on with her. He told her that i was feeling her and she said that i was ugly. At the time i was highly upset but looking back on it, it's kinda funny that she said that. Then to add humor to that situation she tried to lie when i confronted her about it. I knew my boy didn't lie to me cuz he really didn't have a purpose to lie. So a few weeks go by and finally we start talking and we eventually developed a friendship. A year goes by and she ended up moving. Yet some how me and her kept touch with each other. I still had strong feelings for her. I'm confident that she knew but she played it cool i guess. Me and her used to talk on the phone for countless hours. I mean we used to start talking to each other at 8 at night til like 5 in the morning. We lost touch for a few months and then a few months down the road we started back up like we never stopped talking. Eventually i started to fall for her all over again and we hung out a few times at my house,nothing intimate happened which was still good to me i just being her presence was good enough for me. Finally senior rolls around for me and out of no where she moves back around my area. We were still cool and i asked her to my prom. She agreed which was surprising to me. I went around school and told a few close friends that she was my date and they were just as surprised as i was that she said yes. Then a few days later she leaves me this long story on myspace telling why she couldn't go to prom with me. To be honest i wasn't shocked at all i actually expected it to happen just because, she's gave me lame excuses in the past. Now lets just fast forward to this year to whats up with her so far. So she told me that she was going to go into the air force which is great to me as long as she does something with herself. I'm not going to lie though i was somewhat blown cuz i wouldn't see her around anymore. One weekend i came home from school and took her out for her bday and got a lil bite to eat. I payed for all of it and i really didn't mind at all because it was honestly from the heart. Then a few months down the road she would send me the good morning text and etc. Then a little before i got out of school this semester i ended up getting into a feud with a mutual friend of ours and i spoke with her about him. Long story short i guess she became an informant and told him what i said about him which was nothing serious. I was in awe when i found out that she ran her mouth behind my back. But ultimately i was mad at myself for giving him her number again. So now as for today i see her at the mall which she works at and she acts odd around me like she's amazed to see but yet she's nonchalant towards me. I went to the mall the other day with a random female friend and small world they know each other which is no problem to me. but when i attempted to start a convo with my old friend she was being short with me. So i told her to text me so we could catch up, plus i deleted her number. We had a slight convo but she stop texting me back so i'm going to delete her number again and erase the memory as if i never met her. I refuse to run behind anyone to be my friend. Yeah i will feel some remorse but time heals and i'll replace her with another female friend that i'll meet along the road of life.

The 18 to 25 theory

so i've had alot of idle time lately which is bad. but i'll save that complaint for later. During this idle time i developed a theory that has pretty much almost a known fact depending on the individual. So i figured that most women ages 18 to 25 really don't know what the hell they want to do with themselves and want men to figure out what they want when in all actuality they don't have a damn clue themselves. Basically their still trying to find themselves. And during this road of looking for self they do some pretty dumb ass things. For example run behind guys that do idiotic things such as treat em like shit or seem like they have nothing going for themselves. In some case some women get pregnant for these low life men and then try to blame society for their poor judgement in men when the fact of the matter is that they were just hot in the pants for dude and got pregnant in the process. SMH at women who try point the finger at everyone except for the one person that matters in the equation which is themselves. Then finally overtime eventually the women will come to their sense and start trying to run behind men known as the nice guys that have something going for themselves and treat women with royalty like they should be. I hope this theory doesn't come off as if i'm trying to down talk women i'm just giving a brief synopsis of a endless cycle that has gone on since lord knows when.